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The Hopefuls' Horoscopes | ‹ Back Next › |
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By CJP | April 23, 2008
 With Pennsylvania over, the Democrats now shift their focus to Indiana and North Carolina, while John McCain continues his tour of America's forgotten places, although we've forgotten where he is today. All three campaigns are undoubtedly fielding polls to see where they stand with voters, but CJP fervently believes that the hopefuls' horoscopes contain information that's just as valuable, much more reliable and not nearly as expensive. Stars, what can you tell the contenders today?
John McCain- a Virgo:
- HOROSCOPE: Force yourself to be direct with people, today. Beating around the bush is not wise.
- TRANSLATION: McCain, it's time to get real. The media loves you, but the Straight Talk Express doesn't run on compliments. It's time to get on the horn with the Republican fat cats and raise some dough.
Hillary Clinton- A Scorpio:
- HOROSCOPE: Today it's best to sit on the sidelines and watch others play the game. It's not that you're exhausted, though, it's just that you're too tempted to try for big risky plays that won't go anywhere.
- TRANSLATION: HRC, you got the job done in the Keystone state, but nobody likes a gloater. Let surrogates like Evan Bayh sing your praises today. We know you're not tired, but you don't want America to be tired of you either.
Barack Obama- a Leo:
- HOROSCOPE: Your energy is filling you with life and bringing you back out of any slump you may have temporarily fallen into. Things should keep getting better, so enjoy the good times and share them with friends.
- TRANSLATION: Talk about a slump. Between Ohio and Pennsylvania, you weren't exactly in Obama country. But you've got North Carolina on your radar, delegate math on your side and "The New York Times" in the tank- a trifecta for victory!
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With Pennsylvania over, the Democrats now shift their focus to Indiana and North Carolina, while John McCain continues his tour of America's forgotten places, although we've forgotten where he is today. All three campaigns are undoubtedly fielding polls to see where they stand with voters, but CJP fervently believes that the hopefuls' horoscopes contain information that's just as valuable, much more reliable and not nearly as expensive. Stars, what can you tell the contenders today?
John McCain- a Virgo: